The things you learn when you travel. I’m back from a wonderful trip to Italy (my first time). And aside from the usual attractions (the pageantry and history of Vatican City, the quaint canals of Venice, the stark remoteness of the Isle of Capri), I learned a lot from the passionate guides who schlepped us around in the record heat that permeated most of Europe last week.
While touring in Florence, our guide stopped by a street vendor pitching handmade Pinocchio puppets. They were nicely made, but I wondered what did the famous Disney character have to do with the story of the puppet that becomes a little boy who has a big problem telling the truth.
And then I proceeded to get schooled. Like so many other folk and fairy tales, Disney put their commercial spin on an insightful story, penned by Carlo Collodi back around 1880 in Florence. Yes, that’s why this street vendor was in one of the most populated squares, selling his version of Pinocchio figurines. It turns out the story of Pinocchio originally appeared as a weekly serial in an Italian newspaper for children before it became a kid’s book and a truly classic tale.
And that story inspired today’s blog post because it’s all about lies. Another product of the 1800s, Mark Twain, was credited with describing the three types of lies:
“Lies, damn lies, and statistics.”
So, for the purposes of this post, let’s contort that to “Lies, damn lies, and radio lies.”
It started with Mike Stern sending me a story – “The 10 Biggest Lies We Tell Each Other On Instagram” (“Clutter? Not in my home” and “I’m perfect” are a couple examples) – and suggesting that a “radio lies” version might be fun.
Well, it was. And by the way, the blog wrote itself. It was helpful that many of these lies have been told to me over the years – dozens of times. I’ve told a few of them myself.
So, here is our version of those lies we tell each other, to advertisers, to our bosses, our shareholders, and our employees. No explanation is necessary for any of them. They speak for themselves.
1. Your request is coming up soon.
2. We have rate integrity – it’s the other guys who are slashing rates.
3. Seriously, it’s just one meter.
4. We have nothing to worry about. It’s the format-of-the-year frequency. No way this new one will work.
5. I’d put our signal up against anybody’s in the market.
6. Young people have never stopped listening to the radio.
7. Our company would never sell the station – they love us.
8. Don’t believe everything Jerry Del Colliano says – he makes a lot of this stuff up.
9. Radio is the original social media.
10. Who cares about radio’s future? I’ll be enjoying my retirement in five years. It will be someone else’s problem.
Is #10 really a lie? How many of today’s veteran broadcasters are leaving a mess for up-and-coming radio stars because of poor stewardship? It is not enough to have had a great career in radio – it is leaving the industry in a position where it can continue to survive and thrive in coming years for the next generation(s).
Something tells me I’ve missed a few “lies” along the way. Please use the “comments” section below to add yours, or visit me on Facebook or Twitter to be part of what I hope will be an interesting conversation.
Truthfully yours,
Fred
Jacobs Media has consistently walked the walk in the digital space, providing insights and guidance through its well-read national Techsurveys.
In 2008, jacapps was launched - a mobile apps company that has designed and built more than 1,300 apps for both the Apple and Android platforms. In 2013, the DASH Conference was created - a mashup of radio and automotive, designed to foster better understanding of the "connected car" and its impact.
Along with providing the creative and intellectual direction for the company, Fred consults many of Jacobs Media's commercial and public radio clients, in addition to media brands looking to thrive in the rapidly changing tech environment.
Fred was inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame in 2018.
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“The check is in the mail” And, Creating the best Radio Future is the most essential truth. Here’s to a great 2nd half for all!!!
Funny – I was thinking “We have a handshake deal.” Thanks, Clark.
“Leaving was totally my choice!!!”
Oh boy, this is going to be a long list.
LOL!!
Great list! Here’s another: I’d love to do that but…it’s not in the budget. Maybe next year.
I can’t even count the times, Andy, that I’ve heard it (and probably said it). Thanks for chiming in.
“Just sign this for now. I’m gonna get you your money on the next one. I’ll take care of you.”
Oh yeah. That one.
Adding another minute of inventory an hour won’t hurt us.
Joel, I can guarantee you I’VE never told that lie. But it’s been told to me several hundred times. Ouch.
“Great to own this station, we plan no staff changes” . “We will give this new format the time it needs to make it work” “We are getting a new vendor for the vending machines and they will be filled 24/7. “We really want the station to get away from political talk” “Our sales team can sell concept not just numbers” . “We don’t need a receptionist”
Walt, thanks for #11-16. I told you they write themselves! 🙂
This market is different from everywhere else.
Mike, no one’s heard that one more than me!
BTW my answer to that is….How does McDonald’s do in your market?
“I’m not looking for a job. I’m just air checking because I want to improve!
“We play the most music with less commercials, …..guaranteed!”
“I didn’t crash the remote van, somebody hit me!
Perfect, Fig. It’s interesting to me that most of these comments are from 50+ people – who have heard them many, many times. Hope all’s well.
Bill could I get your email please mine is [email protected] with thanks
“We serve the community”
Thanks, Henry.
The MOST music!
Of course, Fred…this one’s a recurrent:
“We’re going in a different direction”
Actually, maybe a power current, JC!
Sales is more important than programming! Or programming is more important than sales!!
Rick, I guess it works both ways.
“I will never backstab or gaslight you.” Translation: “I know how to get other people to do those things for me.”
That’s a new one (for me).
Though young people haven’t STOPPED listening. They’re just using other sources of audio as well…which is why we’re in a battle for ears.
Yup, that’s the familiar twist.
It’s not personal, it’s only business
Oh, THAT one!
“We’re committed to great programming.”
“This should be the last budget cuts.”
“It won’t work here. It’s too _____.”
You sounds like someone who’s heard a couple of these before.
Radio is coming back…soon as the economy improves!
Wait, I thought the economy was doing pretty we…
Exactly!
“I need an A-level promotion for a client looking to spend $5,000. It could lead to much bigger dollars.”
That $5,000 sounds like a lie. Thanks, Keith.
I forgot one: “We need to change things, shake things up…”
A classic…”Don’t worry about the 12 unit stop set..as people are coming in to the set, as fast as they’re leaving the station… during the spots! :)”
Yeah, I never quite understood that one. Right along with, most people are actually listening to all those commercials.
Yeah, I never understood that one.
Let’s not forget one of the most frequently used lies used on the way out the door
“We had philosophical differences and we wish (your name here) the best in his/her future endeavors
Funny – I emailed “Philosophical differences” to Don Anthony a couple hours ago. Thanks for making it a “truthful lie,” Jack.
“ya live by the book, ya die by the book”
“our listeners are too busy to be bothered carrying a meter”
“we thought it was time to cleanse the cume”
“we don’t have a signal problem”
“I have an open door policy.” “We’ll have a job for everyone.” “You’re next in line for a raise.” “You’re such a valuable employee, I’m giving you more responsibility.”
“… leaving to pursue other options.”
“… leaving to spend more time with the family.”
“… parting was mutually agreed to.”
“… will be announcing my new position in the very near future.”
Need I continue?
Nah, we got the message. 🙂
“We wish (…name…) well in all future endeavors”
And that one.
Do this event. The Sponsor will pay you the talent fee directly at the end of the event.
Yup, that one.
“Caller 9 wins!”
Wait….that’s not true?!
How about “that song doesn’t test?”
Or “We want to add it but the consultant won’t let us.”